It’s important for us to understand where we are in life in order be in a position to date.  There were times when I knew I shouldn’t have been saying hello to a woman, let alone, dating one.  Yeah, it was that bad.  But I came to realize that time alone was essential for growth, maturity, and healing.

I’m not the only one who has experienced this.  I have heard stories of women saying they “just want to be in a relationship” despite not being ready.  I have seen instances of men being in relationships knowing they aren’t invested in their partners.  Self-awareness is key to the success of a partnership.

Self-awareness is key to the success of a partnership.

Constant failed relationships?

Have you asked yourself the same questions you asked your counterpart?  Is it always the everyone’s fault? What role in your failed relationships did you play?  Are you willing to get honest about why, how, where, what, and who you are?

Here are 5 Of 10 People That Struggle With Dating Or You Should Avoid Dating because they are either hurting themselves or hurting others.  In other words, they need to be alone for some time to focus on themselves.

Mr. or Ms. Emotionally Unavailable

This Dater will know how to have a good time but won’t be able to describe the emotion behind it.  Asking them about their feelings towards you too, will be a waste of time if you hope to gain clarity on the status of the relationship.  Don’t look for reassurance with this person.  It will backfire.  Something happened in their past that they refuse to address or has shaped their thoughts of avoiding vulnerability.

The Love Addict

This Dater is in love with loving love, lovingly,  in a lovely way.  That was confusing right?! They want to be in love and you are next.  They have an idea of love and are looking to fill in the blank.  This may be that  social media person that is always in love but it just so happens to be a new person every few months.  They are looking to fill a void.

Mr. or Ms. Too Busy

This one hits home.  The saying “People make time for what’s important” is totally true.  There was a time where I should not have made dating important because whoever I was dating was going to suffer.  I had a lot of things of importance and didn’t know how to manage my time wisely.

At that time, I didn’t think there was a way to manage my time or didn’t have the knowledge on how to.  I worked three jobs, a single and heavily involved Father, was in school, and was starting a business.  How was it fair for anyone to date me at that time? It wasn’t.  The lady I was pursuing/dating deserved consistency and genuine effort.  I personally, am a people pleaser and hate to disappoint.  It hurt me that I may have hurt them by not being available.  I may have lost a great thing but I learned a great lesson at the same time.

On the flip side, if they make plans but never execute them.  Plan your exit strategy and execute it.  This will save you frustration.  There is a difference with being supportive and being put on the back burner.  At minimum, you should get a phone call, text message, poke on Facebook; something should be going down in the DM.

Future Faker

This Dater likes to feed you bread crumbs with promise of a full loaf.  They have little to no intention of making you part of their forever. You may be Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.  When you threaten to leave, they put on a show to hold you emotionally hostage.  But it’s clear that’s what they are doing because the show ends shortly after you express being fed up.  Then you start the cycle all over again.

This Dater presents you with everything you want to build on but their foundation has an escape door that they use often.  You noticed it but worried more about the crumbs and tried to build your own loaf from it.  Once you are able to build a slice, you realize it’s molded and they have left another trail for another person.

Heart On Their Social Media Sleeve

Pay attention to the subtle and obvious interactions of these types of daters.  They will praise someone one second and attempt to destroy them the next.  They will go into detail about their pain and seek vengeance on all those who may be responsible.  They will be married and in love on Monday and by Saturday hate everything that has to with the notion of love.

They will throw shade subliminally or overtly.  There may be a direct correlation to your last discussion, last night’s dispute, or their desire.  The answers lay in the suggestions and empathy of others.  They may not be able to keep things in-house.  The community is where they seek refuge.  Social media is their stage and they don’t realize their performance damages their present and potential partnership.

Just take some time to think about if you are one of these or dating one of these and put in work on yourself.

Look forward to Part Two of this article releasing in the near future.

Mr. or Ms. Single but married.

Mr. or Ms. You Are Never Enough Because They Aren’t Complete Themselves.

Mr. or Ms. Post-Traumatic Relationship Disorder(Me at one time)

Mr. or Ms. Defined by Their Success

Mr. or Ms. I Have A Deadline

Bonus: Mr. I am looking for someone like my momma & Ms. I Looking For My Daddy.

(Image credit: bet.com)