6 Ways I Became A Better Co-Parent With My Child’s Mother Part 2

Post author:Bashea Williams, LCSW-C
Post published:October 16, 2015
Post category:Parenting
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Welcome to Part 2 of 6 Ways I Became A Better Co-Parent With My Child’s Mother

If you missed Part 1, please click this link http://www.basheawilliams.com/6-ways-i-becam…-mother-part-1/ ‎

Establish Consistency

We have to be consistent. If we set a schedule to see our children, we have to KEEP IT. If we need to switch the schedule, be consistent in communication. We need to create a routine for our children.

They love and thrive in Consistency. It’s hard for adults to function in an inconsistent environment, so you can imagine how a child would operate not knowing what’s next.

Be consistent with your words and actions. We can’t tell our child’s mother we will do something and end up doing something opposite of what we say. They depend on our consistency for our children. They have lives as well, they want to schedule things while the child is with us.

They depend on financial support for the children. Let’s not get into the whole “she is spending my money on frivolous things that aren’t for our kids”. The problem with that thinking is you are counting her money blindly. You are counting when she gets her nails done but not counting when she buys food your child. You are counting when she buys herself a dress but not counting when she buys your child some new shoes. Even if you feel like you are doing everything, you aren’t! Just like when your child is with you and randomly asks for something at the store and you buy it, it happens with her as well.

Being consistent helps us as well. We are able to plan for our free time, work, dating and anything else we desire to do. You know your schedule when it is your time with your child and you know when you are free. Consistency helps everyone in this process.

Be Present in their Presence

When you have your children with you be with them. Don’t pass them off to family members or friends. Don’t spend the time with your children upset with your co-parent; they can sense everything you are feeling.

Stop what you are doing and be what they need. They don’t have you all the time so they value the time they do have with you and you should as well. Your PRESENCE is way more valuable than any present you could ever give them. Be their present.

Be Present in their Presence! Learn how your child thinks, acts and feels. Talk to your child. You want to establish a relationship with your children where they know you are available.

This goes a long way and they will love you for it.

Keep Your Issues In-House

Too many people involved will only create too many opinions. Choose who you can trust. Choose who will support you by listening and comforting you. Avoid those who will attempt to make things worse for the both of you. Keep your issues in-house to maintains good Boundaries which also keeps the friction low.

I also had to keep what I did for our child separate from what she did for him in her household. I learned early that we didn’t need to compete for his love because he didn’t care who was “better”. He cared that both of his parents loved him. He cared that we got along. He cared that both of us were in his life.

The only competition we needed to compete in was having the happiest and most loved child. We realized we could not compete to see who loves him more.

Putting these 6 things into practice did not happen overnight. Putting these 6 things into practice did not immediately change the relationship between my child’s mother and I.

What it did was help us get to where we are now. We both had to grow up and together we did what it took to have a great co-parenting relationship. I am pretty sure she has a list of things she had to do and whatever that was, helped equally! We learned the importance of each other’s role in our son’s life and we honor that!

I learned a lot during this process and more importantly, I grew up. I had to reach a level of maturity that has helped me be an effective co-parent. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect. I just made up in my mind that I needed to do certain things to help create an environment where our son would benefit from effective co-parenting.

(Image credit: bettermoms.com)

Bashea Williams, LCSW-C

Paul Bashea (Bah-Shay) Williams, LCSW-C, LICSW is described as an Intellectual Emotionalist. Someone who understands what a man thinks and what a woman feels. Helping the two meet and have common ground by encouraging emotion and logic to agree. He is a dedicated father, Licensed Certified Social Worker- Clinical, Relationship Specialist and Writer. He works with at-risk youth and specializes in marriage and family, couples, and individual counseling. He provides relationship advice to individuals and couples. He writes about life, love, and fatherhood. His writing, acting, and public speaking has been featured on panels throughout the country, Huffington Post and several other popular websites, national syndicated radio shows, television and movies. Bashea first started writing to first hold himself accountable and get a better understanding of people's hearts and minds. He loves how relationships work and operate. He strives to help others through his words. Bashea Williams has provided valuable insight on relationships, motivation, and parenting on a variety of panels and conferences. He is highly recruited and his work is valued as measurable and complete. He has years of providing counseling services for singles, couples, youth, and families. Bashea Williams has become well-known for his Trademarked Dear Future Wife series that serves as a man's guide and a woman's reference. His goal is to influence healthy relationships by having compromise, consideration, and an understanding of how people interact. You can follow his work at BasheaWilliams.com, BasheaWilliams on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.