Can we listen to each other with an open ear?

I am asking because I don’t want either of us preparing to respond while the other is expressing themselves.  I want to practice hungry listening.  Where what I learn about you feeds me and the relationship.  I want us to be receptive.  I want to encourage more.  How big is your appetite for learning me?

Can we make it a goal to be quiet until the other finishes?

I know this is hard sometimes when we want to interject because we feel our point is more valid.  Cutting someone off tells the other person “their opinion isn’t important nor valid”.  It screams selfishness.  I am going to be honest, I don’t want to verbally compete.  I will shut down and let you have your words.  I will just agree.  I can imagine that you will do the same thing.  Where will that leave us? Unheard, frustrated and without resolution.

Can we pay attention to body language?

Part of listening is noticing how things are affecting the other.  If I see you cross your arms, roll your eyes, give me the face that says I’m losing you, I will make an effort to bring you back in.  If you see me turn my head, close my eyes, deep sigh, or anything specific to me; make an effort to bring me back in.  We can also pay attention to what is not going over well and change the approach.  Tell me what you look like when you’re upset, hurt, over it and finished.  Let’s discuss what that looks like.

Can we watch our tones?

I understand things may be frustrating but we can talk to each other instead of yelling at or an speaking with aggressive tone.  If either of us need to take a break, allow the other one to do so.  Let’s not abuse the timeout to avoid having the discussion.  I’m not going anywhere, will be patient because I want to figure this out.  I hope you are the same way.  If I sound condescending, let me know, I will apologize, and work to change my tone.  If you start to talk in a “matter of fact” way, allow me to point it out and let’s start again.  I understand we are not robots or without emotion; I just believe we can get a point across without yelling/screaming/shouting.

Can we look at each other while talking?

I want to stay connected and look at you with intent.  Intent to love you through eyes of sincerity.  If I look away, I am either disappointed in myself, you, or us.  I may be upset.  I may be hurt.  Get back in my sight by gently turning my chin to say “I’m here, it’s okay, stay with me”.  If you turn away, allow me to gently turn your head back towards me with the idea of “it’s okay, stay with me, I’m here”.  If touching isn’t your thing at that moment, tell me how to reel you back in.  I love to show my respect for what you have to say and I hope you do as well. I am locked in, besides who can stay mad at your beauty for a long period of time?

Can we be honest?

Honesty is not just truthfulness, it is also being direct and not leaving anything out.  As hard as it is to do; let’s not keep secrets.  I truly believe that dishonesty, lack of openness, dancing around an issue creates a “roommates with a ring” environment.  Imagine the burden we would have to carry.  It will destroy us.  If we can’t accept each other for what we are, where we have been, or our intentions then we have some serious things to consider.  Can I say I don’t like something?  Will you tell me what doesn’t work for you?

Can we communicate in silence?

We say so much in silence.  The conversations of a hug.  The words of a look.  The statements of a kiss.  I hear our future as an infinite symbol.  Holding hands.  I hope you accept my responses.

P.S. Can we keep us, in-house?  If we need help, let’s see an unbiased professional.

(Image credit: hellobeautiful.com)